Friday, July 6, 2018

The Answers to the Biggest Questions Will Be Found Here

It occurs to me, that at the age of 65, I may not have enough time left to distribute all the wisdom I have collected so far, much less that wisdom I'm going to be accumulating in the future.

So, since this blog is my storehouse of wisdom, I'm making this post here to answer questions, and make comments. I will continue to post on other things, book reviews, moments of significance, and so forth. This post, however,  will be an ongoing work; people ask questions in the comments, and I answer them, and the post grows. As long as there is something you want to know, you can ask. If I DON'T know, I'll tell you. I might even be wrong in my answers, but I doubt that will happen often. I was born with a first-class brain, and I stuffed it full of all kinds of things, and came up with some interesting conclusions.

So, to give you a taste of the sort of wisdom I plan to put out for you, free of charge, I address a BIG ONE up front. That way, you will see there is no bait and switch. NOTE: Since I AM a male, I'm gonna likely use mostly examples of males making the poor choices, since I personally made the same choices. However, the same truths apply to females as well. So, here's the first topic:

LOVE. To be specific, I am going to talk about romance, falling in love, happily ever after love, love at first sight; that sort of thing.
Understand this: I don't believe in it. Most people, when they think of this kind of love, are really combining two processes into one, and labeling that combination "love." The problem comes because the two processes aren't given nearly equal weights. In fact, the first process CAN be given full control in the love affair, and the second is essentially ignored.

The first of these two processes is a combination of physical and emotional reactions, that CAN be mistaken for 'love at first sight,' but is really just attraction. We HAVE to have this process, because the continuation of the human race depends on it. As far as I can tell, it's universal, and it is very powerful. And, if you don't understand the process, then you tend to belief, that if you can be united with this person, you will be happy forever, and that is the ONLY way to be happy forever. And, if you are NOT united with this person, you are doomed to a forlorn life of misery. Unfortunately, this is a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you BELIEVE that Betty Sue is the only girl for you, and she breaks up with you after the senior prom because you are going to different colleges, then it is quite likely that you will hold an idealized version of Betty Sue in your head FOREVER, and no other woman will ever be able to meet that standard. (And, if after 30 years go by, you and Betty Sue meet for the first time since the break-up, you will find the real Betty Sue can't possibly match up with the Betty Sue in your head.)
Attraction is wonderful, marvelous, intense, and fulfilling. It's also manipulated by people who want you to buy a product. They have a vested interest in you believing that ATTRACTION = LOVE because they can get you to buy their product that way. Why? It is in the nature of the attraction process that it is temporary; the intense feelings fade. But, companies have successfully persuaded intelligent people that if they demonstrate the RIGHT products to their love, the attraction will last.

It won't, though.

And that's why most relationships stumble. They didn't progress into the SECOND process, after attraction, and that is: COMMITMENT. This is not the starry-eyed "I'll love you forever, my darling!" that is uttered in the midst of a spasm of attraction. That's not really commitment; it's just another attraction given flowery words.
Commitment is cold-blooded. It is an investment. And it can be limited, and SHOULD be limited, for the most part. I have a LOT of friends that I would do something for; I have a few, I would do MUCH for; only one I would do anything for. And it can grow, and develop new commitments, as you both  agree to face things together. Without commitment, a true 'marriage,' in the sense of joining souls together, just doesn't exist.

It's those two things together that constitute LOVE. If you understand that, then you watch in wonder at the goofy scenes in movies, where the hero and heroine struggled to find the words to express themselves. BOSH! Shut up, you fools! Why not just admit you are attracted to each other, and then get along with the work you have been given to do? Such an admission would be quite clarifying to the relationship.

Well, there is a bit more to write, but I grow weary, and I need to sleep. Hopefully, I will finish this tomorrow.


  1. I was going to talk more about the commitment part today, but the time got away from me.
    In a nutshell, I maintain that it is the CHOICE, not the EMOTION, that really defines love.
    That has NEVER been understood by the culture I grew up in. In our formative years, we had the movie 'Love Story,' with the popular quote 'Love means never having to say you're sorry,' which is an UTTERLY bogus sentiment, and the song 'Love the One You're With,' with the incomparable Crosby, Stills and Nash singing those beautiful harmonies "if you can't be with the one you love, love the one you're with," an also utterly bogus and destructive concept.

    Please don't think I'm against feelings. I'm not! I think feelings are GREAT! It's just that they are temporary, and largely a function of our neurochemistry. They are absolutely the STUPIDEST basis for marriage, or even a long-term relationship, that can be found. You would be much better of having your parents arrange a marriage for you, than to decide yourself, based on your emotions.
    More later.

  2. I used to think of love as infatuation plus friendship over time. If time was 0 all you had was infatuation. However, I really like your point about commitment.