At any rate, I shoulder a sizable fraction of the cooking duties around this place. And I am quite pleased with the fact that on more than one occasion I have presented my gift-from-God, happily-ever-after trophy wife Vanessa, the elegant, foxy, praying black grandmother of Woodstock, GA, with a meal that she has said she didn't like, only to watch her gobble it up with relish and ask for more.
I even made her the best sandwich she had ever had in her life.
But last week, I blew it.
She had selected a turkey tenderloin as the entree. It came packaged in a tube; we've had it twice before, once with bad results, the second time with great results. This time, though, I read the instructions on the package. It clearly said "Place on grill for 45 - 60 minutes, or until internal temperature reaches 160 degrees."
I didn't even consider the difference between a regular grill and the George Forman grill we have. If I had thought for ONE minute, I would have realized that the two sides of contact heat from the George Forman resulted in MUCH faster cook time than a regular grill.
Fortunately, I didn't let it go 45 minutes before I checked it, but I DID burn it to a crisp, almost. There was still some edible meat on the inside.
I apologized profusely to Vanessa.
And she smiled. SHE SMILED!
And I realized she was GLAD that I had burned the food!
On reflection, I recalled that on all the occasions when she was eating something I'd made that she really enjoyed, she was rather....reserved in her praise. Particularly when I made something for someone else to eat, such as the members of our home group.
She was JEALOUS.., sort of.
It's like...how dare I come inter her domain and do well? Men are SUPPOSED to be LOUSY in the kitchen, particularly redneck bikers! Grill a steak? Sure, that's okay. But make a pasta dish with broccoli and chicken? No, that's invading her turf!
So, when I burn a $10 piece of meat...
...order is restored to the universe!