Sunday, April 17, 2016

Offspring for sale on Amazon

After the last episode of family drama, here's something I've thought about: selling my offspring on Amazon. I don't know that it's legal to sell THEM on Amazon, but maybe I could write up a bio of each, include a picture, and sell that.
Then, once I had the product out there, I could review it. And maybe base their birthday present and Christmas gifts on how many stars they had earned.The product would, of course, be subject to updates, as they did more stupid things or more wonderful things, and I would include the updated narrative for no additional cost.
To get over the adult children getting a case of bad attitude because I outed them for doing something stupid, I'd give them a code name, like Jilly Back and Sary Mue.
Maybe I'll start a franchise: Review-Yer-Kids! Include a set of templates. Get Samuel L Jackson to be my Celebrity Spokesperson.
Thinking about ground rules for assigning review stars: as a default condition, GRAND children get a two-star advantage over CHILDREN in the rating. In egregious situations of course, that can be over-written. And with each additional generation, default is to add a star. So great-grands start with three, etc.
And each child gets a half-star for every grandchild. Unless YOU wind up raising the grandchild, in which case the child LOSES one whole star per grandchild.
Hmm. We could be getting into negative numbers...
I'd publish each bio as a pamphlet and sell it through KU. Profits to go to something like the pediatric burn unit at the hospital at UNC-CH or some other for-true children's cause. I guess there has to be a price tag, so say 0.99 per pamphlet.
Second thought, no, too clunky. I'll just lie about it to the kids....or I could invite others to play in my universe, and sell THEIR offspring.

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