Well, the last time I did this, I suffered a shiver-me-timbers blood sugar episode, and that left me unable to do much more than close my eyes and lean back. Then later on in the day, suffered another one, not as strong the second time, though. It did keep my pretty much shut down for the rest of the day.
BUT: now let me return to I Thess 1. Paul writes: Grace to you, and peace.
Growing up in the semi-rural South, I knew the word 'grace' first from the prayer that was said at the start of every meal. It seemed to take three forms: the rote prayers of children (God is great, God is good); the rarer times, usually at holiday meals, when it was an opportunity for someone to be long-winded; and finally the occasions I remember as a young teen when my step-father would use the occasion to scold me to God. Now maybe he wasn't doing that; sure felt like it. But, whatever form it took, it was a prayer said before a meal, and that CAN'T be what Paul was writing here.
The second way I knew the word 'grace' was from the hymn. First verse sung everywhere, at all times. For an invitational hymn, which to those of us in the Baptist Church meant either a time for an initial profession of faith, a re-dedication, or a transfer of fellowship, OR it meant that you were about ready to leave and go get some lunch, we'd sing the first, second, and last verses. Or if we were having a revival, we'd just keep singing it over and over...
But I don't want to put an overwhelming burden on the lyrics of a song. Yeah, maybe in the lyrics of the song, we can find out what Paul meant, when he wrote to the Church at Thessalonika, but, since I've already bitten the bullet and decided to look at the Greek, let's just go there instead.
And: it looks like it means a "a gift from God to you." Not a natural gift, like air, water, food; but a gift that was specific to the needs; a gift that was designed to make them stronger, wiser, more loving; something spiritual, but with total practical application. It wasn't specified what the gift was; it was a blank check, based on what the needs were. And, it wasn't just a 'Hope you are all doing well!' sort of greeting, either. That's covered in the rest of the letter.
I've been rolling this one around in my head. I don't think that Paul was just tossing in some extra words for form's sake. Instead, I think that what he was doing was SENDING to the church: XARIS and IRENE, grace and peace.
Look I know it's easier to type on a blog than to use a quill pen on papyrus, but this goofy cat just walked across the keyboard, and I ALMOST lost what I had written.
Maybe if Paul wrote me a letter that started "Grace" he'd give me the supernatural spiritual power to refuse the cat permission to sit on me until I finished my blog.
BUT: Yeah, I think that's kind of what he did. I think that when he wrote "Grace and Peace" he wasn't just hoping they would have peace, and that some grace would come their way. I think he was actually expecting that through the receiving and reading of the letter, the church would experience a power gift according to their need, and peace, which they certainly needed.
And I'll stop there. I've got a cat on me.
Monday, April 15, 2013
Friday, April 12, 2013
Grace and Peace
I'm still in a study of I Thessalonians 1. In fact, I'm still on verse 1. But today is different from yesterday. Which is kind of apparent, hey? But let me point out a couple of ways that today is differnt from yesterday.
For one, it's Friday. and from now on, all Fridays are Red Fridays. Remember Everyone Deployed, until they all come home.
For another, I've decided that the music to listen to while I'm writing is better to be Brooks Williams on Pandora, as opposed to worship music. It's not that I have anything against worship music; it's just that the function of the music is largely to drown out the sound of the kids and not to distract me, and the LOVELY acoustic guitar licks of Brooks Williams do a much better job of that than worship music. Elevator music for the soul? Nah. It's just that it's soothing, delightful, and it doesn't demand my attention the way that worship music does from time to time.
And another thing that's different is that I have abandoned my previous posture of non-scholarly study; specifically, I needed to go to the Greek. The awful, awful experience I had at seminary was mitigated in that I did have some exposure to Greek, under the teaching of Chip Hayes, a graduate student who was one of the most authentic Christians I studied under, and maybe the only one who started his classes with prayer.
But I don't want to comment on that time anymore at the present. Except to say, I wonder where Chip Hayes is now?
And I've got to stop for a bit; my hands are shaking and I'm feeling like I'm having a blood sugar crisis.
I'm not sure what the protocol is for blogging while under blood sugar alerts. Mine was 87, which isn't too low, but it was enough to zap me for a while. Back up to 114 an hour later but I still feel bad.
Think I'm gonna haveta let this one ride for a while...
For one, it's Friday. and from now on, all Fridays are Red Fridays. Remember Everyone Deployed, until they all come home.
For another, I've decided that the music to listen to while I'm writing is better to be Brooks Williams on Pandora, as opposed to worship music. It's not that I have anything against worship music; it's just that the function of the music is largely to drown out the sound of the kids and not to distract me, and the LOVELY acoustic guitar licks of Brooks Williams do a much better job of that than worship music. Elevator music for the soul? Nah. It's just that it's soothing, delightful, and it doesn't demand my attention the way that worship music does from time to time.
And another thing that's different is that I have abandoned my previous posture of non-scholarly study; specifically, I needed to go to the Greek. The awful, awful experience I had at seminary was mitigated in that I did have some exposure to Greek, under the teaching of Chip Hayes, a graduate student who was one of the most authentic Christians I studied under, and maybe the only one who started his classes with prayer.
But I don't want to comment on that time anymore at the present. Except to say, I wonder where Chip Hayes is now?
And I've got to stop for a bit; my hands are shaking and I'm feeling like I'm having a blood sugar crisis.
I'm not sure what the protocol is for blogging while under blood sugar alerts. Mine was 87, which isn't too low, but it was enough to zap me for a while. Back up to 114 an hour later but I still feel bad.
Think I'm gonna haveta let this one ride for a while...
Thursday, April 11, 2013
Reading I Thessalonians 1
I'm reading Paul, Silvanus, and Timothy's letter to the church at Thessalonica. And I'm trying to break it down into little chunks so i can understand it. And I'm trying to put that into this blog, and I'm doing it with a needy cat in my lap. I wonder if Paul ever had to deal with a needy cat?
And the first thing that strikes me is that the grammar is sort of strange. If I was writing to Liberty Church, I'd write it "To the church of God in Marietta." Not that Liberty is the only church in Marietta, nor is Liberty a part of the denomination called the Church of God.
But the letter says 'church OF the Thessalonians'
'IN God the Father and the Lord Jesus Christ.'
I really don't want to put a whole lot of emphasis on prepositions, since it's been 30 years since I took Greek and I didn't study then, and I'm not pulling out my Greek New Testament, and I'm not even comparing the NASV with the NIV.
But let's just pretend that I did.
church of the thessalonians. Yeah, I can do that. It's the church composed of thessalonians. I don't have to stretch at all to understand it.
but: the church IN God the Father and the Lord Jesus Christ? Behold, I will hide nothing from you: I'm not even looking at the opening to the other letters to see how this compares with the other openings. I'm just gonna meditate on what it means. God is in the church; the church is in God. Are those equivalent statements?
AHA AHA AHA! Here comes the first sho 'nuff point that I want to make: I believe I have observed some confusion, or maybe just sloppy language, but maybe sloppy theology, about who it is we are worshiping. Now, maybe that comes from listening to prayers that weren't particularly well thought out. But this letter is pretty clear: Gods the Father, and the Lord Jesus Christ.
Some of the cults are pretty clear about who they aren't worshiping. We had a couple in the house a few weeks ago who were Jehovah's Witnesses, and they don't believe Jesus is God. And compared to that kind of defining clarity, I guess what I'm talking about has little significance.But:
The Father is God, and
The Son is God, and
The Holy Spirit is God.
And the Father is not the Son is not the Holy Spirit.
I do NOT understand the Trinity.
I just believe that the Trinity is, and that there is a difference between the Father, the Son, and the Spirit.
I ain't up to being on Jeopardy or getting grilled to pieces about the particulars. It's just what the Creeds say, and it's really, really clear to me that the Bible says that Jesus is God, and that the Spirit is separate from both the Father and the Son.
I've got to stop now; my brain is full.
And the first thing that strikes me is that the grammar is sort of strange. If I was writing to Liberty Church, I'd write it "To the church of God in Marietta." Not that Liberty is the only church in Marietta, nor is Liberty a part of the denomination called the Church of God.
But the letter says 'church OF the Thessalonians'
'IN God the Father and the Lord Jesus Christ.'
I really don't want to put a whole lot of emphasis on prepositions, since it's been 30 years since I took Greek and I didn't study then, and I'm not pulling out my Greek New Testament, and I'm not even comparing the NASV with the NIV.
But let's just pretend that I did.
church of the thessalonians. Yeah, I can do that. It's the church composed of thessalonians. I don't have to stretch at all to understand it.
but: the church IN God the Father and the Lord Jesus Christ? Behold, I will hide nothing from you: I'm not even looking at the opening to the other letters to see how this compares with the other openings. I'm just gonna meditate on what it means. God is in the church; the church is in God. Are those equivalent statements?
AHA AHA AHA! Here comes the first sho 'nuff point that I want to make: I believe I have observed some confusion, or maybe just sloppy language, but maybe sloppy theology, about who it is we are worshiping. Now, maybe that comes from listening to prayers that weren't particularly well thought out. But this letter is pretty clear: Gods the Father, and the Lord Jesus Christ.
Some of the cults are pretty clear about who they aren't worshiping. We had a couple in the house a few weeks ago who were Jehovah's Witnesses, and they don't believe Jesus is God. And compared to that kind of defining clarity, I guess what I'm talking about has little significance.But:
The Father is God, and
The Son is God, and
The Holy Spirit is God.
And the Father is not the Son is not the Holy Spirit.
I do NOT understand the Trinity.
I just believe that the Trinity is, and that there is a difference between the Father, the Son, and the Spirit.
I ain't up to being on Jeopardy or getting grilled to pieces about the particulars. It's just what the Creeds say, and it's really, really clear to me that the Bible says that Jesus is God, and that the Spirit is separate from both the Father and the Son.
I've got to stop now; my brain is full.
Saturday, April 6, 2013
It only makes sense when it's irrational
Saturday, April 6, 2013
I've been sober now for over 25 years; 9227 days, in fact, if the counter on my desktop is accurate.
I didn't quit because I wanted to join a neat club, although I have joked that the reason I wanted to join AA was so I could hang around with people with tattoos and and have to worry about getting beat up. I quit because I was desperate.
I quit a LOT of times because I was desperate.
And then, after a couple of days, I wouldn't be desperate anymore, so I'd drink again; or after a week (don't know how long I might have pulled off THAT much dry time) I'd be desperate, but this time desperate for a drink, so I'd drink again. And I'd drink until the next time I was desperate.
But what made me quit, and STAY quit, was not desperation; it was the slight tingle of hope. I went to a meeting, and I heard Ron talk about what it had been like, and what had happened,and what it was like now, and I got this idea, that maybe this thing might work for me.
And it did.
On several levels.
The first level it worked on was this: I took my last drink on January 1, 1988, went to my first meeting on January 4, 1988, and I haven't had a drink for 9227 days. But not-drinking is just a necessary but not sufficient condition for sobriety, defining sobriety as a way of life that leads to peace with God and fellow man,and gives one the option of being happy, joyous, and free.
But it worked on other levels, too.
I THINK the next level it worked on was showing me the defenses I had erected to hide and protect myself, or more specifically,showing me that they didn't work.
And the way that happened was this: In the program where I got sober (Alcoholics Victorious, an explicitly Christian version of the program of Alcoholics Anonymous), at the beginning of every meeting, we went around the room and introduced ourselves. The classic meeting intro/greeting is "My name is Bill, and I'm an alcoholic." "Hi, Bill!"
And during the introductions, I would cry. I didn't understand, at first. But then I realized that I had spent so much energy and resources on hiding and denying the fact that I was an alcoholic; and yet, here, I was recognized, and acknowledged, and accepted as an alcoholic. When they said "Hi, Pat!" They were saying, yes, you are an alcoholic, and you recognize that, and we are alcoholics, too, and we recognize that, and we are NOT going to reject you or mistreat you, we are accepting you at and because of your point of weakness. Hi, Pat. We know what you have been through, we've been through it ourselves, and you don't have to explain it, but you can tell us about it if you want to, and you'll still be a part of us, and we'll still be here.
Wham! All the stuff I had used to make myself special dropped into insignificance. The fact that I had the coolest jeans in the room. The fact that I had a master's degree in counselling. It didn't matter.
Because my greatest failures didn't matter, either. And all of my cool stuff had just been defenses to hide my failures, and all my failures just went away. Now I could have jeans that were just jeans, comfortable clothes that fit me nicely, not a symbol of coolness.
That was maybe the first major deliverance I had from the pattern of lies that had kept me in pain and drinking to stop the pain, and then in pain from the drinking. It wasn't the last deliverance, though; I don't know what the last deliverance is, because I haven't had it yet. But, one of the MAJOR additional deliverances was this: My best thinking brought me here. Whether it was doing the right things for the wrong reasons, doing the wrong things for the right reasons, doing the same things over and over and expecting different results, WHATEVER: it all lead to the same conclusion: it was my best thinking, and acting on that thinking, that brought me to the point of utter hopelessness. And then, because God is, a miracle happened.
So now, how do I know when my best thinking is leading me into a pit or to a mountain top? Well, the first thing I learned was to look at the guys who had made it, and do what they did. Then I learned to shut up and listen. Then I learned that wise people had something to offer me. Then I learned that stupid people had something to offer me. Then I learned a lot more stuff, and eventually I learned that my thinking was better.
But it can still go wrong, so: again, I ask the question, how do I know if my best thinking is taking me to the pit or to the mountain top? And I suppose the answer is this: look for signposts. Take headings. Ask others. Prove all things; hold fast to that which is true. And don't forget to sk for help; and don't forget to trust in Him.
I've been sober now for over 25 years; 9227 days, in fact, if the counter on my desktop is accurate.
I didn't quit because I wanted to join a neat club, although I have joked that the reason I wanted to join AA was so I could hang around with people with tattoos and and have to worry about getting beat up. I quit because I was desperate.
I quit a LOT of times because I was desperate.
And then, after a couple of days, I wouldn't be desperate anymore, so I'd drink again; or after a week (don't know how long I might have pulled off THAT much dry time) I'd be desperate, but this time desperate for a drink, so I'd drink again. And I'd drink until the next time I was desperate.
But what made me quit, and STAY quit, was not desperation; it was the slight tingle of hope. I went to a meeting, and I heard Ron talk about what it had been like, and what had happened,and what it was like now, and I got this idea, that maybe this thing might work for me.
And it did.
On several levels.
The first level it worked on was this: I took my last drink on January 1, 1988, went to my first meeting on January 4, 1988, and I haven't had a drink for 9227 days. But not-drinking is just a necessary but not sufficient condition for sobriety, defining sobriety as a way of life that leads to peace with God and fellow man,and gives one the option of being happy, joyous, and free.
But it worked on other levels, too.
I THINK the next level it worked on was showing me the defenses I had erected to hide and protect myself, or more specifically,showing me that they didn't work.
And the way that happened was this: In the program where I got sober (Alcoholics Victorious, an explicitly Christian version of the program of Alcoholics Anonymous), at the beginning of every meeting, we went around the room and introduced ourselves. The classic meeting intro/greeting is "My name is Bill, and I'm an alcoholic." "Hi, Bill!"
And during the introductions, I would cry. I didn't understand, at first. But then I realized that I had spent so much energy and resources on hiding and denying the fact that I was an alcoholic; and yet, here, I was recognized, and acknowledged, and accepted as an alcoholic. When they said "Hi, Pat!" They were saying, yes, you are an alcoholic, and you recognize that, and we are alcoholics, too, and we recognize that, and we are NOT going to reject you or mistreat you, we are accepting you at and because of your point of weakness. Hi, Pat. We know what you have been through, we've been through it ourselves, and you don't have to explain it, but you can tell us about it if you want to, and you'll still be a part of us, and we'll still be here.
Wham! All the stuff I had used to make myself special dropped into insignificance. The fact that I had the coolest jeans in the room. The fact that I had a master's degree in counselling. It didn't matter.
Because my greatest failures didn't matter, either. And all of my cool stuff had just been defenses to hide my failures, and all my failures just went away. Now I could have jeans that were just jeans, comfortable clothes that fit me nicely, not a symbol of coolness.
That was maybe the first major deliverance I had from the pattern of lies that had kept me in pain and drinking to stop the pain, and then in pain from the drinking. It wasn't the last deliverance, though; I don't know what the last deliverance is, because I haven't had it yet. But, one of the MAJOR additional deliverances was this: My best thinking brought me here. Whether it was doing the right things for the wrong reasons, doing the wrong things for the right reasons, doing the same things over and over and expecting different results, WHATEVER: it all lead to the same conclusion: it was my best thinking, and acting on that thinking, that brought me to the point of utter hopelessness. And then, because God is, a miracle happened.
So now, how do I know when my best thinking is leading me into a pit or to a mountain top? Well, the first thing I learned was to look at the guys who had made it, and do what they did. Then I learned to shut up and listen. Then I learned that wise people had something to offer me. Then I learned that stupid people had something to offer me. Then I learned a lot more stuff, and eventually I learned that my thinking was better.
But it can still go wrong, so: again, I ask the question, how do I know if my best thinking is taking me to the pit or to the mountain top? And I suppose the answer is this: look for signposts. Take headings. Ask others. Prove all things; hold fast to that which is true. And don't forget to sk for help; and don't forget to trust in Him.
Friday, April 5, 2013
A short note about typos
I've noticed that my typos are significantly more numerous than they have been in the past. Not just here, but everywhere I type.
Well, I think it COULD be because I cut off the end joint of the middle finger of my right hand.
I just ain't able to hit the keys with that finger like I useta, and it's thrown me off. My ring finger is gradually taking up the slack, but until I get the new habits well developed, It's gonna be clunky.
Well, I think it COULD be because I cut off the end joint of the middle finger of my right hand.
I just ain't able to hit the keys with that finger like I useta, and it's thrown me off. My ring finger is gradually taking up the slack, but until I get the new habits well developed, It's gonna be clunky.
The next circle
And it's Friday.
How's the circle going?
Well, it's doing just fine.
I received encouragement and direction for my home group leader, Andrew.
Then I received extensive counsel via email from my pastor PJ, and after working through basic issues, met with him and Andrew and Chuck, the care pastor for our service.
And that was a good circle.
PJ chewed on me; he knows I'm chewable, and that I take him seriously.
Wanna know what my sin was?
Wanna tell me what YOUR sin is, first? No?
well, I'll tell you: it's that I let things go, and then over-react.
Okay. I can deal with that.
Defend it? No way.
Why would I ask somebody to tell me how to do the right thing, and then spend my time telling them I already knew how to do the right thing? I'm after healing. I ain't tryin' ta justify myself. There's nobody I care to justify myself to; either my behavior commends itself, or it doesn't, and if I want to get any better, I've got to let my circle take the log out of my eye.
So: I had to write guidelines for my house.
I hate that. I hate to put down in writing how we are supposed to act.
But evidently, we haven't been able to function without it, so, there ya have it.
And so I wrote them, made some changes requested by my circle, and sent them to Vanessa, and she's going to take a look at them as well.
And we'll meet, and receive more counsel, and then, do the next right thing.
How's the circle going?
Well, it's doing just fine.
I received encouragement and direction for my home group leader, Andrew.
Then I received extensive counsel via email from my pastor PJ, and after working through basic issues, met with him and Andrew and Chuck, the care pastor for our service.
And that was a good circle.
PJ chewed on me; he knows I'm chewable, and that I take him seriously.
Wanna know what my sin was?
Wanna tell me what YOUR sin is, first? No?
well, I'll tell you: it's that I let things go, and then over-react.
Okay. I can deal with that.
Defend it? No way.
Why would I ask somebody to tell me how to do the right thing, and then spend my time telling them I already knew how to do the right thing? I'm after healing. I ain't tryin' ta justify myself. There's nobody I care to justify myself to; either my behavior commends itself, or it doesn't, and if I want to get any better, I've got to let my circle take the log out of my eye.
So: I had to write guidelines for my house.
I hate that. I hate to put down in writing how we are supposed to act.
But evidently, we haven't been able to function without it, so, there ya have it.
And so I wrote them, made some changes requested by my circle, and sent them to Vanessa, and she's going to take a look at them as well.
And we'll meet, and receive more counsel, and then, do the next right thing.
Monday, April 1, 2013
April Fools Day, 2013
Writing about the unspeakable, the unbearable, about that which cannot be contemplated.
Circles.
Our innermost circle, I suppose, consists of just one person, and that is ourseves.
Them I think, if we want to go on a path of truth, the next person we add to our circle consists of God.
In fact, that may be a sign as to whether we are really looking to find truth in the circle. Get this: if what we really want is for people to know,and to make us feel better, and be on our SIDE!!!, then we will likely pick someone we know is going to fit in with what we already believe.
On the other hand, if we are seeking truth. maybe the next person we include in the circle is God. This is a tough one, because there is ALL KINDS of noise we can generate to block what God wants to say to us, even if we do include Him in as the next member of the circle. See, I think that LAW (grinding sound) is a good way of inviting God into the conversation without really having to listen to anything He has to say.
Now, I don't want to toss out Law either; I can recall at least two occasions when the Law kept me from doing something bad.Both incidents were when I was a 19 year old Christian, didn't have a really great grounding of soil. And I was sitting in my barracks room, and I get this thought: Hey, if you really believed, you could walk out the window and not get hurt. So if you don't,that means you don't have the faith. And yer supposed to have faith. But you don't. And then I reached way back in some unremembered part of the Bible,and said: I'm not supposed to put the Lord to the test." I didn't know where that was, but it was some Law, and it did me good.
And then there was the time, shortly after that, when I was horribly convicted about masturbation; and I came across the scripture that says if yer eye offend you, pluck it out. So, I'm thinking, well maybe I should castrate myself so I wouldn't think about sex all the time. No, this was some really, really heavy duty struggle going on here! On the one hand, I hated the fantasy imagery that went into the act of masturbation. I wanted to be clean and pure. I wanted to look at women, and not have my immediate thoughts be about what kind of sexual fun I could have with those women.So, maybe I needed to castrate myself. Boy, I really, really didn't want to castrate myself! I finally flashed back to some old Testament law that said a priest had to be complete in body, and I held onto that for a LONG time, carefully not looking it up, so that I couldn't find that the verse mentioned something different.
I think there was SOME God I admitted into those early circles, even though I was really just looking for law. Wasn't until much later that I got the entire context of the temptation in the wilderness, and not putting the Lord God to the test; and much, MUCH later before I realized that my lust didn't live in my penis and testicles; it was a pattern of thought, and that most DEFINITELY was something that needed to get dumped.
And as to the unspeakable, unbearable: things get resolved. And until they do, hold on to what you have.
Writing about the unspeakable, the unbearable, about that which cannot be contemplated.
Circles.
Our innermost circle, I suppose, consists of just one person, and that is ourseves.
Them I think, if we want to go on a path of truth, the next person we add to our circle consists of God.
In fact, that may be a sign as to whether we are really looking to find truth in the circle. Get this: if what we really want is for people to know,and to make us feel better, and be on our SIDE!!!, then we will likely pick someone we know is going to fit in with what we already believe.
On the other hand, if we are seeking truth. maybe the next person we include in the circle is God. This is a tough one, because there is ALL KINDS of noise we can generate to block what God wants to say to us, even if we do include Him in as the next member of the circle. See, I think that LAW (grinding sound) is a good way of inviting God into the conversation without really having to listen to anything He has to say.
Now, I don't want to toss out Law either; I can recall at least two occasions when the Law kept me from doing something bad.Both incidents were when I was a 19 year old Christian, didn't have a really great grounding of soil. And I was sitting in my barracks room, and I get this thought: Hey, if you really believed, you could walk out the window and not get hurt. So if you don't,that means you don't have the faith. And yer supposed to have faith. But you don't. And then I reached way back in some unremembered part of the Bible,and said: I'm not supposed to put the Lord to the test." I didn't know where that was, but it was some Law, and it did me good.
And then there was the time, shortly after that, when I was horribly convicted about masturbation; and I came across the scripture that says if yer eye offend you, pluck it out. So, I'm thinking, well maybe I should castrate myself so I wouldn't think about sex all the time. No, this was some really, really heavy duty struggle going on here! On the one hand, I hated the fantasy imagery that went into the act of masturbation. I wanted to be clean and pure. I wanted to look at women, and not have my immediate thoughts be about what kind of sexual fun I could have with those women.So, maybe I needed to castrate myself. Boy, I really, really didn't want to castrate myself! I finally flashed back to some old Testament law that said a priest had to be complete in body, and I held onto that for a LONG time, carefully not looking it up, so that I couldn't find that the verse mentioned something different.
I think there was SOME God I admitted into those early circles, even though I was really just looking for law. Wasn't until much later that I got the entire context of the temptation in the wilderness, and not putting the Lord God to the test; and much, MUCH later before I realized that my lust didn't live in my penis and testicles; it was a pattern of thought, and that most DEFINITELY was something that needed to get dumped.
And as to the unspeakable, unbearable: things get resolved. And until they do, hold on to what you have.
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