Changing almost everything that's tech

I posted last week about being a former techie, now morphed into a technophobe.
Well, I didn't QUITE complete the story.
In case you missed it, I BROKE the brand new iPhone in just under a week, by dropping it, then kicking my chair onto it. I think. Anyway, it LOOKS like it's been shot, but not even I would do that, although I know you THINK I would.
Umm, those having seen me shoot a chocolate cake that earned my displeasure.
(I used a shotgun.)

But I DIDN'T shoot the phone.

And fortunately, I had insurance, so it's getting replaced, I think. I'm not SURE, because I completed the forms at the AT&T store, and there are some emails from the company that I'm not reading. If the phone doesn't show by Monday, I'll read them.

But, in addition to getting the new phone and tablet, I also got the zoomy internet. And when the tech came to install the fiber optic cable, it was VERY noticeable that my laptop was not working well, at all. Things that loaded FAST on the new laptop belonging to my gift-from-God, happily-ever-after trophy wife Vanessa, the elegant, foxy, praying black grandmother of Woodstock, GA, wouldn't load on my ancient pawnshop $150 laptop.

So, we went to the Big Box store and I got a zoomier desktop with 8GB memory and an i5 processor for a little over $400. And it's SCARY fast on the zoomy internet.

But ya know what? It's STILL mostly garbage out there. Access it fast: it's garbage. Access it slow: garbage.

Who cares? I don't use most of that stuff anyway. I'm not a gamer; the last game that hooked me was Sid Meier's Alpha Centauri. At one point, I thought I'd get into WOW, but instead,  NOPE.

Here's what is my primary grump: I've had the same email address for maybe 20 years. And NOW, I'm having to find out all the places that had my old address, and convince them that they need to use my new address.
My new address, by the way, is papapatpatterson at gmaildotcom. For those of you with eyes that move faster than the earth people, that is papa pat patterson, all scrunched up.

I THINK I have convinced Facebook who I am. I THINK I have convinced Amazon who I am.
But all my gun websites? Haven't even started. I'm gonna go to Aim Surplus first, since that's who I have actually bought the most guns and ammo from.  But I have to go to all of the other places (like social security, blah blah blah) and let them know.

Maybe I won't. Maybe I'll just send an update to whatever government agency it is that monitors us, and tell them to pass along the word.

However, here's a tip: if the government comes by and offers to stamp your hand or your head and thereby get all your stuff processed that way? Just fill out the change-of-adress cards. That other thing won't work out for you.

Well, here's hoping I don't vanish into cyberspace sometime in the next week or so. Or have the black helicopter drones pick me up.